you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
