Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
