If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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