I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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