): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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