Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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