She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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