Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
