My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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