So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
