Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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