please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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