Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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