I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Randomize
