Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
