Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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