Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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