well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
