New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
