Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
sex in a hospital.. check
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
