Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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