I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
