i permit you to call me
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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