So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
