hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
