do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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