4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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