I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
