i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
