I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
and you fell through a lawn chair
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
