I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
