Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
