oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
