he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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