Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(514): View more from Quebec

I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.

(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

They always sound like a bunch of chickens.

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(805): View more from California

singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.

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(248): View more from Michigan

i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.

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(248): View more from Michigan

He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.

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(415): View more from California

i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life

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