I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
