im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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