I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
