I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
