I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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