I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
