Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
