Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
