Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
