i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
