there was a trapeze. enough said
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
