Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
