I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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