i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
