now i know why i became what i already was.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
