So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
