I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
