you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
