I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
