You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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