i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
