I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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