I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
