Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize