you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
