I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
