It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize