My boss' voice literally gives me gas
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
