The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
