my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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