I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
