God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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