From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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