i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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