i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
