Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
