Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
