Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Houston, we have a blender
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
