I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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