It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
