Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
