Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
